Jen - jenchan
I didn't think I'd have a reason to post the LJ again, but I feel like I have something I need to say.

I left LJ last year shortly after I signed up for Facebook(FB).  I found that most of the "friends" I had here on LJ had moved on to FB, so I thought that by joining FB it would help me be better connected to them.

I stopped posting here, because I felt my post were going unread, and ignored.  I hoped that Facebook would be a bit better, since it was short thoughts, and Facebook didn't require me to type a long post, and I found most of my thoughts were not expandable past one or two sentences. I came to the conclusion that people didn't want to read long posts anymore.  Their attention span just didn't have the stamina it once did, in this twitter world of 140 characters or less..   

So, I jumped into Facebook...

I found a lot of of people on FB.  Old friends, family members, even old classmates.  Even my friends that I see on a semi regular basis were on there!  Man this was awesome!  I'm not sure that I was thrilled with reunited with some of these people, as some of them were not people I had anything in common with in the present.

So, I found my cousin, who only seemed to post about consuming alcoholic beverages, and post pictures of her at various bars and clubs, living a party girl life.

I found my other cousin, who just posted pics of her kids, and things she did with her kids, etc., and she also had the occasional post about beer.  So with her it was either beer or kids.

As you can see, neither of them I could really identify with.

A lot of my friends from High School I find the same problem with.  It seems they only post about their kids, pictures of their kids, etc, and not much else.  Again, cannot identify with that....

Now, here is the most annoying part of facebook.  I have 90 "friends" on facebook.  I have actually met the good majority of these people in real life, and there is a mall portion of some others that I have only met online, but are really cool people.

I thought the point of being friends with people on Facebook was so that you could keep contact with them on a regular basis, rather than having that semi-annual phone call or email catching up.

I also thought that being "friends" with people meant that you actually care bout what they post, and acknowledge.  Well, I actually read all my friends posts.  I admit, I do have separate lists of friends to identify how I met them(because I have a bad memory), but that doesn't mean that I don't actually read any of those lists every few days.  I admit, I do have some specific people on a daily read list.  It's sad that we have got to the point of some friends being priority over others.  It's such a awful thing, because I'm always wondering what list I'm on other friends accounts.  Would I want to be on someone's "ignore" or "read if I care" list?  Of course not.  

I have taken people off my daily read list because either they posted a bunch of stuff I didn't care about, or they just seemed to be on Facebook to play games...and seemed to feel that everyone cared about their Farmville harvests.  I'm sorry, I didn't.

I admit, I thought my game posts were relevant for a time too, but as I used Facebook more, I found they were more of a nuisance than "fun".  I don't care what kingdom you have overthrown, what new weapon in Mafia Wars you need, or what cafe you have opened up... and the like, that's not my idea of communication.

We all like to think that every sincle thing we post is going to create a flurry of wonderful discussion, but it doesn't.  Everything we post is sharing an opinion, or sharing something we feel is important.  Perhaps that is not always the case...

In the past few months however, I have felt that I am on that "do not read" list.  "Friends" don't comment on my posts, no matter the tone or subject.  I wonder if i'm on that list because I post too much, or no one cares about what I post.  

I just don't feel a point to posting there, since it seems that the posts go unread, unacknowledged.

I guess that trying to connect with people more has actually disconnected me.  

I get the idea that i'm NOT on anyone's daily read list, and no one cares about the stuff I post, so maybe I should just stop posting. I tire of this facebook bullshit and absolute pointlessness of it. It really does not help you connect to anyone when people do not want to acknowledge your existence or make an attempt to communicate. I don't need 90 friends that never communicate.
I guess I depend on people communicating with me on Facebook, because I certainly don't have a social life otherwise.  I don't go out and "hang out", because I just don't have people calling or knocking down my door to ask.

When your income is lacking, it seems so is your social life.  Friends just don't want to hang with people that are broke, or communicate with them on Facebook, I suppose.
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Jen - jenchan
01 April 2011 @ 06:00 pm

Haven't posted here since the Japan earthquake. My paid account, expiring 2011-05-30 here on LiveJournal will NOT be renewed, and I'll just have a basic account. 

I have noticed that If I don't have a whole lot to say, and if I do, I don't feel it's worth posting anymore because no one comments.  So, it's not worth paying for this LJ anymore.  

I have been posting more on Facebook these days, because my thoughts are more short and to the point.  

Since implementing WordPress into my website, I probably won't be posting here as much if at all.

Most of the photos in my scrapbook  will be moved to Picasa.


Current Mood: blahblah
Jen - jenchan
11 March 2011 @ 09:46 am
Well, I know there is a lot of buzz about this this morning, and I have been doing my best to keep updated on the various news bits here and there, and they all look really BAD. 8.9 magnitude earthquake, followed by a tsunami. Since the situation is very chaotic in Japan right now information is very sporadic. Lot of people dead, lot of people unaccounted for. People of Japan, my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

I checked in with some of my friends In Japan, and thankfully they are okay.

Wow. I don't think I have the words to express the concern I have for the well being of all people in Japan right now. This concern really goes beyond my love of anime, manga, and various media fandoms. Yes, I am concerned as to how this has effected all creative works of any kind, including artists, production studios, seiyuu, live action actors, musical artists, stage actors, and a general concern for all industry and their families, but the well being of people in general outweighs that I would think.

From what I have been reading from various websites, people are generally okay, but their studios and material may not be. Of course, people are making all kinds of references to the anime, Tokyo magnitude 8.0.

This is effecting more than just Japan. There has been seven foot waves reported in Hawaii, and there have been all kinds of warnings for the entire west coast of the USA, and over 50 countries have warnings issues. This is crazy.

I don't want to sound crazy or weird, but perhaps all of my feelings of dread and chaos and imbalance in the past several days were not so unfounded after all. This earthquake/tsunami is solid proof. Sometimes it really does bother me how in tune with the universe I may be, and how I cannot shut it off.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Jen - jenchan
14 February 2011 @ 02:29 pm
Well, I'm going to fail this class unless a miracle happens.

1. Tomorrow is my lab final. Final Lab Project must be done in four hours, so tomorrow is all lab.
2. Wednesday, last day of lab. Lab in the morning, then 1st part of our written final.
3. Thursday, last day of class. Final written test. No Lab.

I have busted my ass, worked as hard as I can in this class, and I don't think i'm going to pass it.

The classwork is fine, I can handle that, and i'm good in that respect.

The LAB work is the issue. We are to complete 15 jobs to PASS the class with a "C". 21 is an "A". There is no way in hell I can get 21 jobs done. 8 of our jobs were pipe bending, of which took me forever to do. I mean, really, this is the FIRST time in my life I have ever bent pipe, or done most of this stuff, and it seems that we are supposed to be efficient experts at everything. The instructor said, "you will get better with practice". My question is "when do we have time to practice"? Most of our little lab time is working on jobs, trying to get them done. There is no time for practice.

Problem one is supplies. You can spend about five minutes looking for parts, the right screw, and that wastes time.

Problem two is that we missed two days of class. One was a Holiday and one was a snow day. The snow day the school was closed, we could not even go in if we could, and the day was never made up.

Problem three is lab time. The amount of lab time we have had is not enough time to complete any job, at least for me. See the funny thing is, the instructor tells you, take your time, so you don't make mistakes, but then he also tells you, "time is money" and the quicker you do your jobs the more you can do, and the better your grade. So, WTF teach?

Now, I am on my 15th job. I had it up on the wall, and I had it wired today, all I had to do was do my splices, and connect my switches and lights to it. But guess what? We HAD TO TAKE the WHOLE THING DOWN OFF THE WALL because he wanted us to work with a "clean slate" tomorrow. So guess what? I have to pray that I finish my final early tomorrow,, and that no one steals any of the parts off my project, and that I can get my 15th job done by end of day Wednesday.

I think I'm going to try to talk to the instructor, see if I can come in during the night class to play catch up tomorrow or Wednesday. Or something. Otherwise, I don't know what to do.

I just feel so awful too, because I know that a lot of people in that class are laughing at me. Laughing that me, a woman cannot compete in this "mans field" in the class, and you know fucking hurts. It hurts so much that it seems to people I am not good at this stuff, and I know I am, I just don't have the proper environment/time to work in, and really had many setbacks, and I tried like hell to make it up, and do my best. But it's just not good enough.

I really hope all my hard work does not equal failure.

Seriously, I wanted to CRY all the way home today. Hell, I was sitting here crying before I typed this out, and I STILL am really upset. I'm working really hard, and I don't want to fail.
Current Mood: sadsad
Jen - jenchan
07 January 2011 @ 09:06 am
You know, I have really tried to keep my head up and be positive, battle this depression that I feel that probably is one of the causes of all the aches and pains I feel on a daily basis, and interrupts my sleep.

but it's not easy, especially with all the sets of circumstances that i have had to deal with in the past two years.

It's not easy when you feel you are alone. It's not easy when you don't have a supportive network of friends. In fact, I don't think anyone cares about me anymore, other than David, so I don't ever know why I bother to type these entires, as no one reads them, or cares. But in the remote chance that anyone reads this, anyone cares, I hope you will have some kind supportive words.

You know, it really does seem that I am in a Ford Pinto on the race track while everyone else passes me by in a Maserati. Everyone's going forward, and I'm stuck in neutral.

I see people around me, going on wonderful vacations that I could only dream of. People being able to afford things they want, and things they want to do. I have no income. I cannot get a job. I am struggling through school. I am STRUGGLING right now. And I'm really SICK of it.

I mean, it seriously depressing, feeling anxiety every time a dime is spent on anything, even basic groceries, wondering if we will have enough for the next expense. I mean, I think we are doing okay, but by going to school, I've put a great burden on David, and I know we are just scraping by. I know he wants to give me what I want and need out of love, but I don't want him to end up in financial ruin because of it. I really want to do well in school, but I also would like to have money to spend on things i'd like, or at least feel like I have money to spend. I do not think that I could maintain a job and maintain my grades in school. And in this economy, I don't have much of a choice of jobs. But I really want income. I miss earning a living. I miss working and getting a paycheck. Yes, my last job wasn't the greatest, but it rewarded me with a paycheck. That meant I had a chance of affording what I wanted.

Seriously, people don't understand what it's like until they experience unemployment, being without medical insurance, wondering how much your money will stretch, and watching their parents live in poverty and being able to do NOTHING about any of it.

David and I went to see Harry Potter, and that was a luxury to us. Everything is just so expensive, and little things like that are a luxury. It was a sad reality these past few days, first off, there was nothing David and I wanted to do, and everything we may have wanted was too expensive. So we wound up sitting home, playing video games. It was very depressing.

Being already in a depressed mood about the lack of financial resources and general situation, a friend called and told me that they were going to Hawaii(a place i'd love to go, BTW), and it really was a blow. I tried to be nice, and say "have a good time" but I couldn't help but show my jealously and disgruntled comments. I felt bad about it, but I also felt more angry at myself for not being able to control my emotions. Seriously, after I got off the phone, I felt like balling my eyes out, wondering why I have to struggle for a good life while people around me seem to have it handed to them on a silver platter. Is this struggling really worth it? Why must I work my ass off for a good life? It's times like this that are not inspiring, and are VERY discouraging.

I really wonder if me suffering through all this is really worth it, or has a purpose. Is this hard work really going to pay off? Or am I going to be at the bottom of the food chain for the rest of my life?

Look, I need dental work I cannot afford which is probably effecting my overall health. I have pain in my teeth every day, and it hurts to eat most of the time. I am unable to do anything about it. There is nothing I can do about it. I just have to suffer, until I get a good job hopefully pay for the work I need.

I hope I have enough money in my savings account to afford my medical insurance until I get a job. I really hope I can get a job when I finish school.

I seriously was hoping for winning that megamillions jackpot, or at least a bit of it, so I could give my parents a better life, get my dental work done, keep my medical insurance, and pay for school, and not have to worry about my financial situation. It's rather simple. I don't want anything extravagant, just simple things. I guess it was too much to hope for, but I guess we can keep trying.

I also feel very alone. In the past year, I have never felt more rejected and alone. I don't feel that I have a support group of people that are there to help me though anything. I don't mind doing things, just David and I, but sometimes it would be nice to hang out with someone else. However, when you cannot afford a simple dinner with people, or a movie, or a show, how are you supposed to hang out with them? They tire of you not being able to afford things, and simply become distant. Or is it they just become uncomfortable with you because they don't want to be around such a depressing situation, or don't know what to say?

I keep losing friends, and I just don't want to make any more in fear of losing them. I'm tired of putting my heart and soul into friendships, just to have it spat in my face, and ending up hurt and disgusted.

I am in such a terrible mood, I just wanted to get my feelings out. Back to school Monday. Back to the grind of going nowhere.
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Jen - jenchan
31 December 2010 @ 09:18 am
I hope that you celebrate safe and responsibly(preferably without the influence of alcohol or drugs), and with people that are special too you. I hope you are with someone...your best friend, your significant other, it could even be a family member, but someone close to your heart.

I don't make resolutions, don't believe in them.

I do however believe that all hostilities, misunderstandings and disagreements should be forgiven and resolved. So if there is anything that you'd like to resolve, get off your chest(comments are screened), or any thing at all you'd like me to explain, please let me know now, and I'll do my best to try to resolve and/or better myself for the new year. Tabula rasa, so to speak.

Without further regrets, kotoshi mo yoroshiku o-negai-shimasu (今年もよろしくお願いします) I hope for your favor again in the coming year and kinga shinnen (謹賀新年) Happy New Year!

I think I will be celebrating the ringing in of the New Year staying home, away from the drinkers and the drunks, away from people, and just celebrate it with David. I guess that will be okay. I just have not been in the mood to celebrate anything lately.

It's already 2011 in Japan!
kotoshi mo yoroshiku o-negai-shimasu (今年もよろしくお願いします?) (I hope for your favour again in the coming year)
(shinnen) akemashite o-medetō-gozaimasu ((新年)あけましておめでとうございます?) (Happiness to you on the dawn [of a New Year])
kinga shinnen (謹賀新年?) (Happy New Year)
shoshun/hatsuharu (初春?) (literally "early spring")

I sent out New Years cards this year, rather than Christmas cards(just wasn't able to get motivation to do so), but they won't be treated as nengajō because lord knows the post office has enough issues delivering mail in a timely manner, let alone a specific day.
Current Mood: blahblah
Jen - jenchan
30 December 2010 @ 04:16 pm

Togainu no Chi
info: MAL - ANN

Watched:  Episodes 1-4 

Shounen Ai and blood. Nononono not THAT kind of blood(get you mind out the gutter)

I don't know what I got myself into with this one. No. Really. I don't know.

But what else can I expect from something that was a Japanese BL visual novel...

So there is this guy, named Akira(or Lost, whatever the nickname of the moment is), and he's kind of a tournament Bl@ster...Oh did I mention he's the CHAMPION? (blahblahyeahyeah)

So, he fights, for what reason is not clear, but it's clear that he's not a boyfriend, and his name is kidding

Akira gets arrested for a crime he didn't commit(murder), and is sent to jail. The punishment for murder is life in prison.

Akria becomes quite fortunate when he gets a female visitor in prison that makes him an offer. Join a deadly game called Igura, which is taking place under the rule of a drug ring in the abandoned remains of Tokyo. The condition is simple:defeat the strongest man, the Il-Re.

So, he gets thrust into this game, his poor puppy dog of a boyfriend follows. He meets some yaoi bait named Rin(voiced by Fukuyama, Jun). He then meets some more crazy characters, and the hilarity of a bloodbath ensues.

Don't let me fool you though, this anime is a bloodbath so far. I don't know, but I really like the story, but I cannot get over some of the ridiculousness of the characters, like Arbitro who has a "dog". I'm not going any futher with that, because you should all have an accurate picture of that in your mind already. :blank:

Oh, should I mention that Shiki has a striking resemblance to Luka of Uraboku? Well, I guess Midorikawa has been out of work for a long time, so he needed a dark and brooding and kick ass character role?

This anime is classified as Action, Sci-Fi, Shounen Ai...and you don't want your little sister happening on this one. It's R - 17+ (violence & profanity), with a LOT of suggestive dialogue and other stuff. So be prepared for lots of directly gay comments, actions, and lots of violence. MAN DRAMA!

What is interesting about this anime is that is has a different ED song for every episode(it will only be 12, thankfully). 

And yes, this is what you define as a "Yaoi Boy", LOL


But I like him anyway, and of course, he's the MOST cosplayed, which deters me from doing so, but I like the outfit. :razz: He also reminds me a LOT of Alois from the second season of Kuroshitsuji.

And for the love of all that's holy, if you are not REALLY into this anime, DO NOT FIND THE ARTBOOOKS. I made that mistake.

Current Mood: weirdweird
Jen - jenchan
28 December 2010 @ 07:59 am
It was a rough year, in more ways than imaginable.

The Positive:  

-Starting school and doing quite well!  Got A's in my first two classes, and I worked my ass off for them.  I also got a certificate of achievement for perfect attendance in my first class thus far.
- Having David, a wonderful supportive, caring, and patient  fiancé!  I'd be living in a homeless shelter if I didn't have him.  he has helped me with dealing with my parents, and he was more than helpful when they got evicted..
-Being alive.  
-  Making more friends, and keeping them
-Celebrating ten years of running JAPC!!!(the local anime club I run)

The negative:

-Being financially insecure.
-not being able to participate in many activities because they cost money that I just could not afford.
-feeling socially isolated
-battling depression, feelings of loneliness, and feeling like no one cared, alone.
-having a friendship so south, again, and painfully, for no apparent reason.-my parents being evicted.  

for those who care to read further...Collapse )

Hopefully this year will be better.  

Kotoshi mo yoroshiku o-negai-shimasu (今年もよろしくお願いします) (I hope for your favour again in the coming year)



Jen - jenchan
26 December 2010 @ 07:40 am
 Well, like I said before, I really didn't feel like celebrating Christmas this year, and just went through the motions.

Christmas was good though, had my parents over and we ate a good meal of Honeybaked Ham, Mashed potatoes, Sweet potatoe soufflé, cinnamon apples, mac n' cheese, crescent rolls, and finishing with Bûche de Noël from Trader Joes.

David got me two SD figures, one of Lu Xun from Dynasty Warriors and one of L from Death Note(with tennis racket!). I love them both!!!

My Mother and Father got both David and I a $25 gift card to Target, and I got a bunch of Burts Bees products.

David's Mother got me a tin of Werther's Original's! Gods I love those things!

I'd really hope that people would have not done so much for me this year, as I didn't have money to return the favor, but that's not what it's about is it? I am so deeply grateful for everyone who's decided to be involved in my life.

Oh BTW, i'll be sending out New Years cards this year. They won't be totally Japanese 年賀状 nengajō style, because it's difficult enough for the post office to deliver anything on time, let alone specify a DAY to deliver the cards.

These next few weeks will be nice. I'm on break from school until January 10th! Time to catch up on anime!
Jen - jenchan
13 December 2010 @ 03:26 pm

Check out this email exchange:
I still think something is very odd about this exchange on the other end.

-----Original Message-----
From: Annie [mailto:annieweeden@]
Sent: Monday, December 13, 2010 12:12 AM
To: Jen G
Subject: Re: A project on anime

We are both fans for anime but our main purpose to learn more about is because we are doing a research project on the past and present of anime history, for Asian Studies at Lake Forest High School. We were wondering how you got into anime, what you think anime is mostly based on, and how long have you been studying anime? Thank you so much for your help!

On Dec 12, 2010, at 8:17 AM, Jen G wrote:

> Thank for the email Annie and Claire. Studying anime? Do you mean you are
> an anime/manga fan? Or is this simply for a research project?
> I'll do what I can to help, but I don't have direct connections to any of
> them.
> There are a few conventions that have been held in the suburbs, but not in
> the city proper. Which one are you referring to?
> What exactly do you need to know?
> Jen, JAPC Owner Operator

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Annie [mailto:annieweeden@]
> Sent: Sunday, December 12, 2010 12:02 AM
> To:
japc@> Subject: A project on anime
> Hello,
> This is Annie Weeden and Claire Williams and we are freshmen at Lake
> Forest High School. Right now we are studying anime and we're going to do a
> semester project. We were wondering if maybe we could have some help with
> some facts for our project and if u can tell us about the convention that is
> being held in chicago. That would be great.
> Thank You,
> Annie and Claire